I'm like a parrot, I tell my daily story over and over again the day it happens and then I forget it for months. Today I woke up pre-dawn to go to a psychiatrist (yes, I'm a little crazy) and picked up a new prescription that needed to be dropped off. I went to the store and it was only going to be ten minutes so I walked around and window shopped while I waited. Knowing that I was picking up medication for bipolar disorder I figured no need for embarrassment and went to the condoms aisle, which is always next to the pregnancy test, and that has been said before (reference of coffins next to alcohol and cigarettes quote here) but surprisingly down the line were indigestion tablets and diarrhea medicine, followed eventually by gummy bears. It was like a montage aisle of the worst six weeks of anyone's one night stand gone wrong. Condom doesn't work, pregnancy test confirms, indigestion abounds, diarrhea follows and finally cravings for the non-aborted fetus begin. I have an imagining of choose your own adventure aisles at this point, walk down aisle two if you want to resume responsibilities for diapers and formula, aisle three for a life of guilt and regret which is laced with porn and alcohol, (probably what got you into trouble in the first place.)
So back to reality after playing through these events I pick up a thing of KY and a medium sized box of the blue Trojans along with a video game magazine and a bottle of Aleve and arrive to the counter after hearing my name. I put the items down preparing to pay and Mr. Pharmacist starts striking up a conversation with me. "Oh you live on Cheryl? I live on Judith, we're like neighbors, I'm Joe," as he shakes my hand. You're not my neighbor, you're my pharmacist I want anonymity, not a name and an address. Now I'm not embarrassed because I don't let it get to me but I'm thinking isn't there etiquette for these situations, you don't strike up small talk at an STD testing center do you? Anyway, it occurred to me, to him, I'm a typical customer and apparently and atypical neighbor because I actually introduce myself, but now all day I'm trying to come up with a purchase order that puts this guy in an awkward position to the point where he doesn't have the normalcy to ask my name and shake my hand...all suggestions welcome.
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3 comments:
Walk up to the counter with tampons and ask him if they work for bloody assholes. Crass, but effective.
Pick up some gay porn mags, a tub of vaseline, a super-sized candy bar and ask if you can use their bathroom. Then come out of the bathroom with half of the vasoline empty and ask if you can return it and the magazine.
Both excellent suggestions
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